Restless

It's somewhat late; I should've been in bed two hours ago since I have to get up early for work, and I always regret staying up past my bedtime when I have to get up early the next morning. But tonight is just one of those nights where I can't sleep no matter what I do. I miss my husband and all I can do is lay in bed sobbing wishing he was laying next to me keeping me warm. You'd think I'd be used to it by now seeing how he only has two and half months left, but no matter how long he's been gone or how close it is to his homecoming it's just as hard.

Some nights while I'm watching TV, out of nowhere I find tears running down my face. I've had a lot of people tell me that I've been handling this whole thing really well, but what can I do but live each day like it's a normal day? I have to put on a brave face whenever I go out, but when I'm in the privacy of my home that all disappears. Some days are better than others. I'm just doing what I have to do; I don't think my days would change even when Stephen comes home, but it would be a whole heck of a lot easier and more enjoyable. What's incredible is that some nights when we talk on the phone we talk for hours, and other nights we're only on the phone for five minutes. What's up with that? Being forced to carry a conversation over the phone instead of being in the presence of each others company is a little hard--frustrating even-- having to deal with mumbling from both ends, the cutting in and out because of bad reception, and sometimes there's just nothing to talk about so we call just to say I love you and good night. Sometimes that's all I need.

I sure do admire and adore him, though, for going through six months of training--doing his best to provide a good life for our family. Stephen got a 96% (or maybe it was a 98%?)on his last test! I love hearing what he does every day in his classes and what a funny man he is with his training buddies. Everyone seems to love him (who wouldn't?) He makes friends very easily; that's my Stephen! I miss you, good night.