Sometimes when it's Zander's turn to say the prayer he'll say that "we're grateful for this year". He'll say that not fully understanding the concept of time--days, months, years, etc... I mean this year has been a doozy to put it lightly. It has been hard in a lot of different ways. We've had to make changes and adapt to the changes of the world, but whenever I hear him say that phrase in his prayer it makes my heart a little softer. It humbles me because despite all the "hard" that we are going through there are always good things happening too. It hasn't been easy having everyone at home all the time since Stephen has to work from home and the kids have to stay home from school. We have had so many blessings this year because of the pandemic too.
I am grateful that we are reading and studying the Book of Mormon this year. I have learned a lot and my testimony has grown exponentially. This is the first time since I was a teenager that I've read through the Book of Mormon all the way through. I have started many times alone; I have started many time with Stephen, but every time we get to the book of Alma we peter out and start over again months later. I am excited about all the things I've learned! I kinda get why missionaries are so excited to share the gospel now. I know the Book of Mormon is true. I know that it was put together for our day and the gospel of Jesus Christ was restored through Joseph Smith.
As I reflect on myself the past several years, mostly since having kids, I haven't liked who I've become. I have really struggled with parenthood. So far it has not turned out anywhere close to how I had imagined it would. My kids are not the well behaved, quiet, polite, kids I envisioned for myself because that is what I was going to teach them. In reality, I have been teaching those things to them, but what I didn't realize is that it's a process that they learn as they grow up. It's not going to happen just in their youth. They're going to be learning it over the course of their lives just like I am. I struggle with some of my parenting skills one being yelling. It is not something I am proud of or like to talk about, but it is a big weakness that I am trying to strengthen.
I have a testimony of repentance--of the mercy of our Savior. Take Laman and Lemuel for example. They murmured on and off and repented on and off. Every time they repented they were forgiven and were able to continue on their journey even though the lord knew where they were headed. Ultimately, He knew their hearts were not where they should be, but they were still forgiven every time.
We've been reading in the book of Mormon this last week. It's gotten to the point where the Nephites are extremely wicked and not wanting to repent. Mormon has pleaded with them to repent and be baptized, but they are too far gone and don't want to listen. Several times in the first 6 chapters the lord tells Mormon to preach repentance to his people. Several times before the lord had had enough and the Nephites sealed their fate. That gives me hope. A lot of hope and peace because I know that if I continue each new day to try to be better and overcome my weaknesses and repent every day, I will be forgiven. I know I will be forgiven every time I repent. That is love. That is mercy. In one of the talks given in conference a few weeks ago it was said that we should make repentance part of our daily routine.
Oh how I am grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! No matter what life throws at us we can overcome it as long as we are looking to the Savior, repenting, and utilizing the golden rule we will be ok.
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