Last week I ran out of concealer, so I needed to make a trip to Macy's to buy some more. I had been putting the trip off for a few days, and decided to go on Friday. All the stores have been having their summer clearance sales, and I just couldn't help but take a peek at some of the racks while I was there. I had Lucas in the stroller and Zander was walking right beside me, but after a few minutes he got the urge to play in the racks and run around them. He was having a blast being a toddler, but I had to keep telling him not to wander off too far. I kept my eye on him like a hawk.
After a short while I went to buy my make up and headed upstairs to look in the children's section. Zander kept straying further and further from me the longer I stayed, so I decided it was time to go and check out. As I pulled up behind a women in the middle of paying, Lucas started to fuss a little bit. I had to keep the stroller moving to keep him quiet, but I could tell it was going take a while waiting for this women--there seemed to be a problem with her purchase. So I went downstairs in search of a cashier with no one in line. Lucas was crying off and on as I searched. I found one with another woman with her wallet out, so I figured she was almost done. I parked behind her knowing both, Zander and Lucas, we're going to whine having to wait for a few minutes.
After another five minutes passed it was finally my turn! The boys were getting really wrestless at this point, so I hurried as fast as I could. I put Zander down as I told him to stay by the stroller; Lucas started to full-on cry and there was nothing I could do to calm him down. I knew he was hungry even though it had been less than two hours since he had eaten last. As I grabbed my wallet from the diaper bag to pay for my purchases a woman came storming up to the stroller looked inside at Lucas and said, "would you pick up that baby! He's been crying for like half an hour, babies cry for a reason you know!" All I could do was ignore her and continue to check out. Another woman came up to the stroller and looked inside as well. I don't know if they were together not, but they both preceded to give me dirty looks. I didn't say anything to them, even though I wanted to SO badly! I was so flustered and angry, and scared all I could do was ignore them. Lucas is wailing, I finish paying, grab my bag, and take Lucas out of the stroller to see if he'd calm down, knowing full well that he wouldn't until he got something to eat. I also did it to try to appease everyone in the store. I know it's annoying to listen to someone's baby crying. I was doing my best!
So Lucas is crying in my arms, I'm pushing the empty stroller one-handed as I try to turn around to grab Zander and get out of there, but there was no Zander. Zander was nowhere in sight. I looked around the area I was in and call out to him, but of course he's not going to answer me. I parked my stroller somewhere as panic started to set in; I lost Zander! I frantically ran around the store yelling his name, and asked anyone I passed by if they had seen a little curly, blond haired boy. Most people flat out ignored me and kept shopping or walking, but a few women looked around where they were at to see if they could see him, then shook their heads. I had the store get their security to help me; it had been 15 minutes he was missing at this point. I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes and I knew my voice would crack the next time I yelled his name out. Lucas is still crying as I'm running around the store looking in all the racks not caring what anyone thought of me, when a woman got my attention and asked if this little boy was mine. Zander was playing inside a huge clearance rack all the way across the store from where I was at. Oh sweet relief!
I gathered him up and had him sit in the stroller so we could leave, but he was too heavy for me to push one-handed. I asked him get out and walk and he didn't want to, so he started whining. I saw the mean lady glaring at me as I tried to make my way to the door. I was really struggling--feeling angry and defeated and really embarrassed. Then, the lady who found Zander came back and asked if she could help. I could have kissed her! She was the only Good Samaritan to help rescue me. I handed Lucas over to her, so I could push Zander out the door. She walked me to my car and put Lucas in his car seat while I helped Zander in his. I was sobbing at this point. She came around the car and gave me a great, big hug. I didn't want to let go. I cried on her shoulder for a few seconds as she reassured me that I didn't do anything wrong, and that everything was going to be ok. All I could do was say thank you over and over to her as she made her way back into the store. I bawled all the way home. And I sobbed when I told Stephen all about it that night.
I can't explain all the emotions I felt that day in that situation. That panicked feeling I got when Zander was missing was the worst feeling I have ever felt. My stomach was in knots, my mind was thinking worse case scenario, and nothing mattered more than making sure he was ok. And that woman embarrassing me in front of everyone, criticizing me, and making me feel like I was the worst mother in the world. It wasn't like I was still shopping while he was crying! I was trying to get out the store as fast as I could to feed him! The more I think about it, the angrier I feel wishing I had said something to her. Then the wave of love and compassion I felt as the Good Samaritan came to my aid. I will never forget her and her kinds words.
After all of this, I have one request. If you see someone struggling no matter if they have children or not, please offer assistance and kind words instead criticism and judgment. It does no one any good to tear them down and make them feel bad. You don't know what kind of situation they're in, and you never know what a difference you could make by being kind and lending a helping hand.
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