I had my first breakdown as a mom the other day. I don't know what it was, but after being in Twin for a week Zander was being such a stinker. He would fight me on everything from getting him to eat his food and staying in his chair, to wrestling him to change his diapers, and the melt downs whenever I'd leave the room, or even set him down for that matter. I know he's still teething, but MAN give me a break! This had gone on for three days in a row and by the end of Tuesday night I had had it. I just got done with activity days and tried feeding Zander some dinner.
Stephen came home from work late, so as soon as he walked through the door I threw the bowl at him and told him I was done and stormed out of the house and went grocery shopping. (Not what I really wanted to do, but I'd do anything for a break) so I took my time shopping until I needed to go back home. I was so tired and still grumpy as I came in with an arm full of groceries. I told Stephen to help me unload the car and asked where Zander was. He had just fallen asleep in his swing so I took him upstairs and put him in his crib. Then I noticed he didn't have his pjs on (I didn't really care about him not wearing pajamas but I was already in a mood so that just added to the fire) and his diaper was dirty. I couldn't let him sleep in a dirty diaper so I had to change him and put him back to sleep.
Meanwhile, Stephen was upset and annoyed because Zander was fussy the whole time I was gone and he hadn't had a moment to himself to even sit down and rest from his day. I didn't blame him for being a little angry. I would be too. So not only did he try to calm Zander down for two hours while I was gone, but he made dinner and put all the groceries away while I was in with Zander trying to put him back to sleep.
I felt like the worst wife and mother in the world. As I pondered what I had done I just felt worse and worse until I started crying. Here I was at wits end, storming out of he house leaving the baby with with my husband who had, had a long day at work and here he was feeding the baby and getting him to sleep, making dinner, and putting the food away! It was after 9:00 by the way, when I got home.
Stephen and I ate dinner when it was almost 10:00. Then we went to bed shortly afterwards. At 1:00 Zander woke up so I put him back to sleep, but as soon as I'd put him down he'd wake up and cry again. This happened three times. I decided he really didn't need anything so I let him cry it out for a little while, but he was getting louder and louder. I got up again and gave him a bottle to see if that would help. I couldn't get him to sit on my lap to feed him. He was wriggling and writhing all over and I was starting to get angry again. I finally made him lay down to drink his bottle and he fell asleep. I put him back in his crib and he awoke and cried again. Frustrated, I took him and checked his diaper just in case even though I changed it right before he went to bed. It was dirty! No wonder he was upset and didn't want to lay down! Man, I'm two for two now. So I change him and gave some medicine for his teeth and put him back to sleep. It was now almost 4:00 am. I'm exhausted! Somehow, I have run out of patience and don't know where to get some more. I feel SO bad and sad for my behavior. So here's to hoping I find more patience and happiness next week. I love Zander and especially Stephen. He is my rock and truly my better half. I don't deserve him sometimes, but I'm so grateful he has more patience than I do.
By the end of the week Zander had three teeth break through--his second bottom one and his two top teeth all came in at the same time.
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