Dave

 I cried after I got out of the shower today. Like, I slumped on the floor in my towel and cried out loud. I don't know what spurred it on, but a wave of grief just hit me out of nowhere as my thoughts turned to my father-in-law, Dave. I am so sad that he is gone. I only got to know him for a short 12 years. He was such a gentle and likable man who always had a joke to tell. In fact, he was still telling jokes up until the day he died. I love that Stephen doesn't really remember his dad ever yelling or getting mad at him growing up because I could see that in him. You just had to know that you disappointed him and that was enough for Stephen to know he did something wrong. I was reminiscing back to when Stephen and I were first married--before Dave's parkinsons got worse and we would go to mom and dad's house for dinner and play cards. Dave liked to be in the kitchen cooking and in the middle of conversation. He loved listening to everyone talk and laugh at our family get-togethers.

One of our traditions at Bear Lake every year is sitting around the table playing Hearts because it was one of Dave's favorites. this year was our first year without him there, so we played a few rounds in honor of him, and Stephen did a perfect impression of him yelling, "Dive! Dive! Dive!" that made me miss him in that moment. Dave was so handsome; Rachel put together a photo book of Pat and Dave's life together for their 50th wedding anniversary a few years ago. It is so fun looking at those old photos of the high school sweethearts.

As quickly as my mind filled joy and sadness in that moment of grief in the bathroom, it turned to anger in the blink of an eye. I was mad that I didn't get to know him as much I should have or could have. It wasn't very long after I joined the family that his parkinsons started to get a little worse every year. And it wasn't just his tremors, he wouldn't talk as much when we got together as a family and it became less and less until he had his stroke and couldn't talk even when he wanted to. It was really hard to hear and understand him. I didn't get very much time with him in his good years, and it makes me angry. And it made me and angry and sad especially, because my kids won't ever know their Grandpa Washburn like I did. They will only remember him being in a wheelchair after his stroke. They won't remember his laugh and the twinkle in his eye as his laughter filled the room. They don't get the hear him tell stories or play games with him, and it just makes me sad. 

I am forever grateful and feel so lucky, or blessed rather, to have met such a kind and caring young man in college whom I get to call my husband for the past 12 and half years. I remember after Stephen and I got engaged I wrote an email to his mom thanking her for raising such a great man. I love my in-laws--all of them. They are a great blessing in my life.